things i heart.

Sweet Friends

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, 

and it is only by this meeting 

that a new world is born."

- Anais Nin

I really have been realizing how many sweet friends I have today. Things have changed since high school and I love each of my friends a lot. I cherish our time together and how each of us met.

Through encouragement, tears, laughter, fights, and love I know I can trust and ask for encouragement any time!

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his friend: but woe to him that is alone when he fall; for he has not another to help him up"  

Ecclesiastes

Obstacles

We all face obstacles in life. But I feel like my life is an obstacle. Merely because of the series of events happening and everything just comes crashing down. Maybe things just aren't meant to be or maybe I'm really that unlucky. Regardless, life is hard. 

I say things on here I'd rarely saw out loud in real life. I am the non confrontational, don't like to upset people, or ruffle anyone's feathers. I do have feelings though. And in life I feel like I hold back a lot of things I feel and just try to bottle it in. And other times I just have to be honest..brutally honest at times. Probably could work on the brutal part though and focus on encouragement. 

Anyways as some would say that is "heavy" to talk about, but I'm really just ranting. Let's just say I have overcome most of my obstacles and am living life. 

Always a breathtaking moment for me here..

And these moments make my obstacles so diminutive compared to what others deal with in life. I then sat down and just watched the sunset (next to my castle) and thought about how selfish I am most of the time. It's not about me.

xoxo

Rachael

Delayed..

Totally haven't written anything important on here in the past two weeks.

Pretty crazy two weeks. I got a job with the Navy in Washington, D.C. (yay for reference letters?). I will be working as a youth coordinator for the next # of weeks. Woo.

Bowling has been on the downfall not really practicing much just hanging out and trying to just get my ducks in a row. And this week I am in Tampa, FL just going to the beach seeing my Tampa Project friends and everything else down here that I can do. Then I will fly home Friday and take the Praxis again. Dang.

Anyways just trying to have as much fun as I can with what summer will allow. Taking one day at a time and embracing every obstacle I face because its a blessing to be able to live another day. I love my friends down here and I get to go to a sandcastle competition tonight. What the heck! How fun does that sound? HA! And then back to the beach tomorrow. Thursday undecided flying home Friday morning! Woooo fun stuff.

Found this to be somewhat encouraging and hopefully everyone knows that you have only so much control over things that happen in your life! Stay thankful and strong during the hard time and embrace and love every minute of the good times because they don't always last for long.

Love yall!

Recapping..

Uhh, my legs hurt so bad I can barely walk. This beach bod is worth it I tell ya. I have had two pretty hard work outs in a row. But it really is worth it because I need to get fit for bowling. Odd to hear, but stamina is the name of the game (along with skill and good hand eye coordination of course). Other then my body hating me life has been pretty good. 

The secret is out which probably wasn't a secret at all just never spoken and still not spoken I just wrote it for all to see. On the previous blog of having very deep and strong feelings for this guy I like. WELL he (who shall not be named) read this blog of mine and found out my endless feelings for him. I mean this could be good or bad or creepy. Either way the secret is out or lack there of. 

Needless to say, God is faithful and always will be. So, if all else fails I'll have my God.

Words

I am a 20 year old girl, still learning in life and developing character by learning daily. Learning a lot about myself and reflecting on my actions this past year I have found multiple things I would like to work on, but one in general. My word choice. I guess I have the tendency to cut people down, but sometimes I honestly do not mean to do at all. People just take what I say negatively or poorly. That could be through texting or just the tone of my voice. So, I fully pray that I can change this tongue into only encouraging sayings. I want to having loving words dripping from my lips and not harsh and hurtful sayings that leave my friends or acquaintances bitter towards me.

I guess I have realized this more because this guy I am totally in love with has told me everything I have done wrong in the past month (nicely of course without making me feel too much like a piece of crap..) Many people don't say that to me, but he has.I can be shaped 1000 ways, but I want just one of those, to be the right way. I guess he says it with constructive criticism I usually get teary eyed because I don't want to hurt someone or anyone I love, honestly. I usually suck it up though because I have never been the one to cry until now I guess. My heart has become soft and not such a rock. I can't be weak though and I am sticking by it. Mentally tough.

“No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. 
Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day. 
This is all practice.”
— Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

• For the first time in my life I guess I have to finally worry about someone else's feelings then my own. 
• I have to be careful to what I say.
• Slow to anger. 
• Think in the long term and not just the here and now. 
• I can't push too hard. 
• I gotta let God take control and pray daily for the future. 
• I can't get caught up in the moment or your smile. 
• I don't need to rush this and just take it slow. 
• You just might be the one I have been waiting for my whole life. 

For the righteous will never be moved;

he will be remembered forever.

He is not afraid of bad news;

his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.

His heart is steady;

he will not be afraid,

until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.

Psalm 112:6 - 8

Mom

How did you find the energy, Mom
To do all the things you did,
To be teacher, nurse and counselor
To me, when I was a kid.

How did you do it all, Mom,
Be a chauffeur, cook and friend,
Yet find time to be a playmate,
I just can’t comprehend.

I see now it was love, Mom
That made you come whenever I'd call,
Your inexhaustible love, Mom
And I thank you for it all.

Sweet Solemn Moments

A cool breeze, shallow waters, the Monument, the Capital, boats, benches, and quietness is what I experienced today being next to the Potomac River looking out to see Washington from afar. A sweet moment of being able to discover and see how solemn life can be. I then decided to read my Bible and embrace the free time I have been given.

I read about a man, named Hosea listening to the Lord and marrying an adulteress and from there different things happened from a man's (or woman's) own desire..not the desires of the Lord. Of course there is always a lesson to be learned, but today I feel that God was putting this on my heart specifically. The metaphor throughout this story was about how God's love and constant desire to see us repent, but being imperfect we will always fail to do so. When we yearn for our own desire God gives it to us and show us that whatever you think the world can fulfill it will only cause you to fail. He is letting us fail until we realize we can't do anything unless it is through Him.

A year ago from this month I met someone who caused me to fall in my walk. I don't regret meeting him. He taught me a lot about myself and he realized how easily it is to get of the narrow road. Thankfully 11 months later I come to realize the narrow road is the only road for me and I take the trial God gave me thankfully and a time to learn. Tonight I met with my sweet friend Shannon and we were able to talk about so much. She is a blessing in my life and now an accountability partner. I'm thankful for sweet moments like tonight.

"[God] isn't offering me a horoscope or a fortune cookie so I can decipher life. Instead he's offering himself, to lead me by the hand through all of the messiest and richest depths of mystery, misery, pain, and glory this planet has to offer." 

~Steven James, Sailing Between the Stars

Washington D.C.-Potomac River

Patience

Patience. Something I have never had or seen in my life. I always want things to happen right away or just go perfectly as planned my way. I guess that's a terrible trait to have, but the first step is admitting. The second would be working towards success in fixing and practicing patience. I really do want to find a way to change my heart of "here and now" status because good things take time, right?


Luckily, I have been graced with someone who gives me good constructive criticism. I appreciate him a lot and I actually take what he says into account. It doesn't go through one ear and out the other. As usual. George Bernard once said “Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” Taking that as a grain of salt I realize that I create my own life. It doesn't create me. Life has its ups and downs, but we all will fail at something. Perhaps I am failing at patience and loving others. 


Personally, I think you need patience to love someone. But loving someone isn't only a feeling it is a choice. I always fear of not loving my husband fully or my family or even my children. But maybe that love comes with age and maturity. I can choose to love them and of course and I will, but how will I feel the emotion of love. What is the emotion of love anyways? Do we set our own standards for love? I mean honestly I have set my own. For instance: call/text me this many times, spend time with me this much, buy me these things, take me to dinner, or some other worldly idling traits of the "American way." Relating back to the truth, God never set a standard for loving him. He didn't give us a time of day, the rights and wrongs of loving, or certain guidelines of the "right way". He merely just asks us to love him fully and take up your cross daily and turn to Him. That is so freeing. Who am I to set standards for someone else loving me? God has sent these people as a gift to me. When I have someone (God) who loves me endlessly and wants me so much, but for someone to love me I want them to do these things this or that way. Selfishly. 


Thankfully there are answers. Not only in life lessons, but in relation to the Bible. 


Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies (Psalm 36:5).. How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 36:7). These verses alone speak limits. God's love is unfailing and unchanging, but man's love is always changing and failing. As I continue to seek the Lord this summer I need to understand that God's love is unchanging and regardless of whatever happens with the people in my life I need to focus on the fact that God's love is everlasting and that is how mine needs to be. And that includes any level of love. 

Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever (Psalm 136:26).

Til tomorrow, friends.

That Fork

You know when you hit that point in your life when you're ready to be on your own? Well I think I have hit that "point". Just when you feel like you can do anything on your because you are in college, coming and going at any point, hitting the peak of responsibility, and no one to answer to? Well that's my fork in the road. I want to be doing my own thing.I am probably just at the "rebellious" I'm 20 years old stage, but truthfully I feel that my parents have raised me well enough to make my own decisions and able to do most anything on my own.

I'm sure this is just a phase, but at the same point I just wanna run free. That sounds so gay. Naturally being the little diva I can be sometimes I am probably just feeling a little sad from being home from college. You know, diva-esk venting..

How about Osama being killed? I mean I don't think it is appropriate to rejoice in anyone's death. Even this man's, but I don't feel bad for him either. Remember on Sept 12, 2001, when you saw people in some places abroad celebrating death? Exactly. Don't be like that. 

On brighter news the dieting and back to the work out starts tomorrow. Lord love a duck. It will be a challenge. Might as well make my summer worth while and be productive. I can only do so much, right? Other then attempt to have the courage to cut my hair.

Going to D.C. tomorrow with my dad. I am kind of excited to go somewhere. Maybe I'll go shopping at Tyson's Corner (only the biggest mall I have ever been too other then Opry Mills!). Maybe I'll be able to talk to the woman possibly hiring me on base?

 "You know how the time flies...only yesterday was the time of our lives"

Goodnight bloggees.

Washington D.C. this past Spring with the Cherry Blossoms!

Summer

Sooo, you know the feeling where you really want to go home and then you're there and the feeling of wanting to be home wears off after about 3 hours? Yeah, well that happened to me three days ago. I can actually say I miss Jonesboro, AR. What a quote. I guess I enjoy being on my own, doing my own thing, and not having to answer to anyone. Since I have that now at home I'll just deal with it. Even though I do miss my friends back at school a lot!

And being home entitles a summer job. A job that is inexistent to me right now. I'm still searching in this bottom of the barrel economy for a job. I have applied for a couple, but all you can do is wait now. Sadly, that doesn't help these empty pockets that love shopping, oh. so. much.

Just another twenty something girl living in Richmond, VA, trying to find a job and make it through three months of classes, bowling, traveling, and exploring the Richmond limits.

Summer 2011.

No words for 2011

Today is a new day. March 17, 2011 (St. Patty's Day) and I am headed to Nashville in about an hour and a half. Bowling tournament this weekend! Sorry for my lack of blogging. My life has been a hectic mess. After going to the Keys and Vegas I came back to school and I haven't stopped since. Luckily after Nashville I get to go HOME! And my wonderful parents get to come and be with my this weekend as my last "official" tournament for my sophomore year. Time flies, does it not?

Lady Red Wolves Woman's Bowling Team December 2010

Let's back track some: 

      The Florida, Keys....I love them. Flawless, beautiful, peaceful, and calm. I learned so much there. I'll inform you on some of the minor things. Okay..well I went shell hunting extreme. Literally spent hours out in the water searching for Conch Shells! Even though you can not take the ones with the Conchs inside still I found so many. They were so big and pretty I brought quite a few home. Also, I learned about what sea urchins look like, Timmy caught a Lobster, and iguanas have taken over the keys. Its pretty crazy the wildlife there. The amount of iguanas was out of this world. I kind of kept one, but my mom won't let me bring it home... 

Lobster! 

Shells!

An Iguana we found :)

Kayaking in the ocean :)

One of the most beautiful places I have ever seen